Why moms shouldn't feel guilty about blogging.

It’s hard to believe that, more than 10 years after the advent of blogging, mainstream news outlets still crank out so many cringe-inducing articles on “those crazy bloggers and their narcissistic ways.”

The most recent offender was The New York Times, which belittled tens of thousands of online moms Friday with its piece, “Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand.”

Most of the article (about a recent conference for mom bloggers) is pretty vanilla fare, but the overall presentation was insulting not only to mom bloggers but also to almost any working mom.

A few things that set a bad tone for the article from the start:

• It’s in the Fashion and Style section. Not Business. Not Technology. Fashion and Style.

• The headline, which essentially tells you, “This is a story about women neglecting their children.”

• The accompanying graphic, shown at right, which elaborates on the idea that, “This is a story about women neglecting their children.”

Now let me say, I have no problem with a news outlet that examines how mom bloggers do or don’t balance their online lives with their parenting responsibilities. But that’s not what this story is about. In fact, it never even comes up, except in passing.

Heck, I would argue that this is actually a pretty good story that delves into lots of the complicated issues facing bloggers. What it’s doing in that section, with that headline and that graphic, I have no idea.

It’s like finding an earnest story on feminism in the 1950s, under the headline, “Sorry, Billy, you’ll have to steal lunch from a railyard hobo, because mommy’s getting a ‘job’!”

There’s obviously been a lot of debate among mom bloggers already, and I think they’re more than justified to be incensed.

Here’s an excerpt from the stellar rebuttal on Mom-101.com:

“I guess it could also have been titled Honey Don't Bother Mommy. I'm Making Ends Meet for Our Family in a Tough Economy but that doesn't seem as enticingly condescending. Also, then it would have to go in the business section and not fashion + style and that would just mess up everything!"

(You should definitely read the whole thing. It covers a lot more ground than I can even attempt.)

So what should the media know about mom bloggers? I feel like I have enough professional and personal experience working with many of these women to share at least a few ideas:

1. They are individuals with completely different motivations and goals. They’re not part of some Park Slope hivethink, and they don’t all aspire to become Dooce.

2. The best of them work harder than almost anyone I know. You don’t run a site like DealSeekingMom.com, TypeAMom.net or BargainBriana.com without busting your hump. For women like them, it is a job, one that requires a rare and intense degree of writing ability, organization and initiative.

3. Should some mom bloggers pay more attention to their kids? Maybe, but whose place is it to say? What’s the right thing to do? Dote on your kids every second instead of working or maintaining any connection to the outside world? If that’s good parenting, then my daughter is in for a rough road.

4. The reason mom bloggers always seem to “clump together,” whether it’s at conferences or in digital communities, is because they support each other. They respect how difficult it is to be yourself, be a great writer, be a great mother and scratch out a living in a crowded field, all at the same time. Also, it’s easy for them to get the feeling that they’re chronically misunderstood.

Wonder where they get that idea?

UPDATE: The author of the piece has written her own blog post in response. It's worth a read and has sparked quite a bit more discussion in her comments section.

Comments

[Michele]

It is interesting to read the observations and the analysis of this NY Times article from one who is 1) not a "mom blogger" and 2)who did not attend the conference. I was disappointed in the phrases the author chose to use, such as "girly bonding" and "kaffeeklatch" to describe the conference. As a professor and former vice-president of a dance company, I trust in my ability to assess whether or not a conference is professional and the presentation and content relevant and useful; I certainly did not believe that the conference had a "sorority" feel to it at all.

Each person takes away something different from an event. Perhaps the author truly felt that mom blogging and conferences truly are akin to "Tupperware parties." However, the choice of words, coupled with the photos and the headline, were significantly more prominent than the few statistics and facts listed.

If you have a negative view of something, at the very least be professional in your review. Snarky and condescending is not the proper way to analyze a subject, unless you are writing an opinion piece, which would be posted on the editorial page. Then again, this was coverage of a business and technology event that was featured in the style section, so perhaps I am expecting too much from the NY Times.

Excellent post. Thank you.

[Dee Dee]

Thanks for the article. I loved the part about "busting your hump". I am only just figuring this out - Holy Mother of God! I love the Scary Mommy site cuz she actually addresses some of the fundamentals of blogging, blog sites, twitter etc. So thanks for the Shout Out - we are clearly on the same page. (But you use the word narcissitic and it impresses me.) I'll be at Bloggy in Phoenix - you?

[mom101]

You had me at "railyard hobo" but I'm honored you linked me here.

Really excellent post David. Fabulous. It's especially meaningful coming from a non-momblogger with a little perspective. It's true - there was some good stuff in that article. Jennifer is a great writer. I wish she had told (or had been permitted to tell) a slightly different story.

[Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]]

Brilliantly said.

[Anneli]

a freakishly insightful post........just, wow. thanks, you have a new fan to add to the legions.

[Donna]

Thank you for this post. I wish my husband got it the way you do.

[michelle from 6 in the city]

Well said.

[SAHD PDX]

I too loved the Railyard hobo bit a lot. Well put.

[Lindsay Lebresco]

Great insight David. Sometimes articles like this one in the NYT provoke the community to stand up and be counted. The responses of these smart, professional & driven women make me proud to a part of this community. As I know you've always been as well. Great to see you weigh in.

[Jennifer Taggart, TheSmartMama]

Great post. I only wish my husband had your insight.

[ClassyMommy]

Fabulous post and excellent comments David. Thanks for understanding our Mom Space and being an advocate for our community.

[melissa]

excellent post.

[Kelby Carr]

David, this is a great post. It's so wonderful to have a man blog about this topic, and capture it so well. It's even sadder that the author was a mom blogger, and couldn't grasp one iota of what you understand.

Thanks for standing up and blogging about this topic. I know I've said it before, but you are a good friend of the mom blogger.

[Ellen]

Bravo, David. Like many, I found that NYT article patronizing, and narrow-minded. I've met so many smart, funny, supportive women in the blogosphere. The NYT piece didn't touch on the many mom bloggers out there who write for the joy of writing and who write to inspire and spread awareness about a specific issue, like I do.

[Sierra Black]

I kind of love you for this.

[The (Un)Experienced Mom]

Thank you so much for highlighting what makes this blogging community incredibly special. Your ability to advocate on our behalf is greatly appreciated.

And unfortunately, it highlights even more so just how disappointing it was that someone, supposedly a part of this community, couldn't have done the same.

Tamara
www.theunexperiencedmom.com

[Daisy]

I suppose if my children read my blog, that makes it -- well, what does that make it? Less neglectful? Let me say that my "kids" are 23 and 18, and I've made many connections through the blog that benefit my family. Mommyblogger? Maybe. Personal blogger is more accurate.

Thanks for the post!

[Amie aka MammaLoves]

Fantastic post. I'm so relieved to know that there are others out there who get what's going on in the momosphere. I particularly love the 50's reference. As a mom who works full-time out of the house I began to wonder if the article's author was suggesting I shouldn't be doing that either.

And in the Style section...sheesh!

[Rachel ~ Southern Fairytale]

{standing ovation}

Dave, you nailed it eloquently and beautifully and just YES!

[Kelly Whalen]

A wonderful post about mom blogging from someone outside of it. So far it has been those of us inside the community talking about this issue and having you affirm those thoughts really affirms what I was thinking.

[Laura (@chambanalaura)]

These women are dynamic professionals who are seeking to better their lives and the lives of their families. Leave to the NYT to never let the facts get in the way of a good story. Thank you for your post.

[Amber]

Love this.

I'm proud to be a Mommy Blogger. I don't neglect my kids. My two year old wouldn't allow it even if I tried. She's very...how shall I say? Vocal.

[Real Life Sarah]

I just want to copy Kelby's comment... But seriously, you are awesome because you treat professional bloggers like businesswoman. Just like a woman in a fortune 500 company might be treated. Are they being belittled by the NYT for sending their kids to the nanny while they work?

I think this could be a defining moment, when we as a community come together and say "enough, we will not be treated this way." And it helps to have non-mom bloggers like you to support!

Thanks David

[David Griner]

Thanks so much for the tremendously warm feedback, everyone. While I wasn't writing with an audience of mom bloggers in mind (I figure you guys are already tired of talking about this), it's great to hear that I did it right by you guys.

Thanks again.

[Mary@Everyday Baby Steps]

Thank you, David. I'm not thanking you because we needed you to fight our battles for us; taking a look at posts like Liz's and Kelby's demonstrates that! I do thank you for your professional, authoritative perspective on the issue. So thank you.

[Momartfully]

Thank you, especially for #1 - we absolutely aren't all the same. I get SO tired of the "career woman now marginalized as a SAHM and blogging for latte money" image. It's the "Opt Out" revolution stereotype - reconfigured.

I also detest the image that mom blogging used to be just glorified online scrapbooks until this recent "revolution". There's been more than 10 years of of great, meaty, thought-provoking content from moms out there, yet the insulting image of the dabbling housewife blogger remains.

There is a difference from blogging a decade ago - blogging used to be about building a community and that has been diminished (or even lost) with the focus on profit recently.

[JenniferG of Hip As I Wanna Be]

I was actually quoted in that article and as I told the author - only the title and graphic offended me.

Who the hell handled that job? #fail

Thanks for a terrific post, BTW.

[Briana]

Thanks Dave for your post and the mention. It is excellent to read this type of post coming from a non-mom blogger!

Once again, there is a blinding double standard against women, which is pathetically coming from another woman.

Come'on, the MINIVAN crowd. Way to put all mothers in a box. Not that mini-vans aren't the greatest invention of all time for families of small children but it is a broadly painted description.

I completely agree with your statement that it is not only an insult to moms who blog but to any working mom. In fact, the sensationalized headline never really is fully explored in the article at any depth.

I really hope the writer of the article is not a mother who was neglecting her child while writing it!

Adding I did a little googling and came up with this follow up from the author, which explains the headline and the graphic:
http://www.jenmen.com/2010/03/about-that-new-york-times-piece.html

I'm not understanding why this post would be in the Fashion & Style category, though!

[Meg Rosker]

Why some moms/women may be offended by mommy blogs. http://withoutablueprint.blogspot.com/